Thursday

Today I had a poetry seminar in the morning and a Reading, Writing and Thinking lecture with Alex Weaver in the afternoon.

I don't know the name of the lady who took the poetry so I will call her Miss German, because she reminds me of my English master, Mr German. Mr German was cruelly called 'piss-bag' at school, because he had a catheter in his trousers, due to incontinence, and you'd sometimes see spots of urine on his trousers. But that's not the reason I've drawn a comparison. Miss German has something of his scholarly manner about her. She is small and fragile with a great shock of black and grey hair and quite advanced in years, at least in her late sixties, if not older, and peers over the table liked a wizened mole.

She asked us all to tell her a bit about whether we've written poetry or not and what poets we like. I sat thinking I really shouldn't say that I have won two poetry competitions because that is just bragging about not a lot- for which I'll be hated- and people will find out in due course, anyway.

But I couldn't help myself. I said that naturally as a mature student it was no surprise I had a bit of writing experience. I'd written two short story collections (true, but still improving them), and a novella (true, also improving) and that I'm not much of a poet because I don't read it (very true, as John Fletcher would say) and my so-called poetry is actually quite prosey. BUT... I've submitted 4 poems to competitions since I took up writing seriously and won two prizes. Two won HOW's weekly price, one was a runner up and the other flopped. That said, if I entered a serious, serious competition I doubt I'd get anywhere.

I said the only poets I liked were Shakespeare and Philip Larkin, which did not impress Miss German. I explained I've read The Nation's Favourite Poetry and hate most of the stuff in it. But I like the pop lyrics of Jarvis Cocker. Surprisingly, Miss German agreed and said he'd written some fine lyrics. I also said Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys has written some very poetic lyrics and the very pretty American girl opposite me seemed impressed I'd mentioned him.

As it happens, that girl had a runny nose and I wished I'd brought some tissues to class, as I watched her discreet attempts to deal with the situation, which essentially amounted to periodic snivels and wiping her hand on her trousers under the table, after she'd used it to stop the evacuation from her nostrils. We've all been there. 

Alex Weaver's lecture was on how to write the perfect essay. He brought along a real example from a 1st year student that had scored 'top marks' and looked at why it was so good. You won't be surprised if I say I didn't think much of it.  It's an essay about a feminist book- The Magic Toyshop- that assumes that feminist theory is correct, rather than standing dispassionately outside that assumption. And the part that Andy highlighted as being particularly good contains false logic. Here is what was written:

Melanie and Margaret seem to unite in silent solidarity as 'an ancient, female look passed between them' and they both comprehend they are merely 'planets around a male sun'. While this 'female look' seems to acknowledge their subservience, it also opens up the possibility of the two women recognising each other's position, and working together to change it.
   
If we are to take the two quotes in concert and supporting each other we must own that planets are locked in their path and cannot change their course. Therefore, in that sense, the look would be restricted to being one of mutual empathy and acknowledgement of each other's position? Correct me if I'm wrong. I like being wrong.

During the lecture the two girls and boy in front of me sat chatting about stuff that was off topic. At one point one girl surmised that black men may not actually have larger penises, but just appear to. Because of the way they hang when flacid, I think she was intimating, but I didn't catch it all.

At the end I said to Alex it might be helpful to discuss what the essay is lacking (which we did not), and I asked him if the marks an essay gets depend on how much the viewpoint of the essayist flatters the prejudices and politics of the person marking it. "There is that danger," he conceded.