I dreamt of Emma this morning. In the dream I gave her a scrap book of poems I'd written about her and the scrapbook was made of paper and bits of handbag. In real life I think she'd be disinterested and hassled but to my surprise in the dream she was warm and nice about it. Then I woke up needing the loo and wanting to go back to bed and snuggle up to my pillow imagining it was Emma. Leaving Margate is also about letting go of her. I've let go of her in the sense that I don't bother her but there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her. And being in Emma country doesn't help. If I drive on the Whistable road or see a haunted building we talked about enroute, or see a blue Honda Civic like hers I am reminded of her. When I walk past the (now closed) Shakespeare Arms every day I think of us because we had a drink in there. It's pointless. She forgot about me as easy as putting the rubbish out but I am a hoarder and hang on to things any sane person would have thrown out years ago. I just want that one thing I never got. A hug goodbye, but not really goodbye. A hug to tell her something so cheesy I'm trying to find another way of writing it. That she is always in my heart.
In other news, I've been offered an audiology appointment for October 18th, which of course is no good. Ear is much improved, though. :-)
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She may not have done quite so easily as you imagine. Women are surely far more complex than us guys and just because she's not blogging about it or shows any outward signs of missing someone, it's sure the same visual cues will tug at her, if she was half the woman you imply.
ReplyDeleteNo. Emma was back on OK Cupid within a day of us breaking up. She found someone quite soon, she moved in with him a few months later. She never looked back. To a mother of five who had been in four long term relationships a guy who she saw twice a week for 3 months is hardly significant.
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